I had many
amazing testimonies the summer I turned fifteen. I went to the South Crysler Restoration
Branch Reunion, Mammoth Camp, and I even went on a trip with my Zion’s League. We visited Church history sites in Palmyra,
New York, and Kirtland, Ohio.
At the SCRB
Reunion, the theme was “We Would See Jesus.”
We were called to look for Him in ways we had never seen Him
before. Truly, we saw Him in the love of
brothers and sisters we had never met, the prayers for each other, and the
everyday actions of kindness. I started
to think about what it would be like to see Jesus face-to-face. I had heard testimonies of others who saw Him
– even read in the Scriptures of people like King Lamoni. I wanted to pray to have a testimony like
that. I wanted it badly…but somehow, I
felt unworthy. I felt very unworthy.
After Reunion
ended, there were about two weeks in which I had to prepare for the Zion’s
League trip to Palmyra and Kirtland. I
had been reading the Book of Mormon and praying quite a bit, but my devotion to
spending time daily with the Lord tapered off during the first week.
The Sunday before
we left for the trip, I was talking to a friend about Kirtland. He was telling me about how he had gone when
he had been in Zion’s League. We were
talking about trivial things, like where we would be staying, what kind of van
we would be driving, and such, when my friend suddenly stopped. He looked at me and then said solemnly,
“I know that if
you will pray, and set your heart in the right direction, you will have an
amazing experience.” I had not told him
of the thoughts I had been thinking – how much I wanted to have a wonderful
testimony, but how I hardly dared to pray for it, because I felt unfit. However, when he said that, I knew I could
ask the Lord for anything – and I felt like He wanted me to ask Him.
The next day, I
knelt beside my bed and prayed earnestly for the trip. I did that every day left – Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, and Thursday. On Friday, we
met at South Crysler Restoration Branch before the sun was up and began our
twelve-hour drive.
We had many
blessings along our trip. I found some
small miracle every single day – an answered prayer, protection from small
dangers along the lakefront in New York, and even worries that were calmed and
fears that were stilled.
The next
Wednesday, we had planned to tour the Kirtland Temple and then have a prayer
service inside of it. The elder who was
presiding over the service asked each one of us to say a prayer, giving us each
a subject. Some were asked to praise the
Lord; some were asked to thank Him. I
was asked to pray a prayer of repentance.
As we gathered in
the Temple that night, we were quiet and expectant. I felt so blessed to be in a place that
Joseph and Emma Smith had been in, a place that so many like-minded people had
seen and worshipped in.
We sang a
hymn. The elder who was presiding that
night asked the first one of us to stand, calling us by name and reminding us
of the topic he had asked us to pray about.
As the others prayed before me, I could tell that they felt something I
did not feel.
Finally, we sang
another hymn. Then the presiding elder
said, “Now, our sister Hannah will pray a prayer of repentance.” I stood up and started to pray. I remember feeling like my prayer didn’t have
much meaning – I was saying things like, “Please forgive us of our sins and
help us to be better people.” I felt
like it was so general and I didn’t have my heart behind it.
All of a sudden, I
felt the Spirit of God wash over me. It
was in that moment that I realized how sinful I was – and am. It was impressed upon me that if I saw Him as
I was then, I would not be able to stand it.
I felt like a vase
that had been shattered on a tile floor.
I felt so ashamed, more so than I had ever felt. I started weeping, and quickly ended my
prayer and sat down. Someone wrapped her
arm around me, and somehow the tissues that we had been passing among the rows
found themselves in my lap. I used the
last two in the package and kept on sobbing.
I felt so ashamed that I could
not stop crying! I don’t remember who
prayed after me or what they said. The
next thing I knew, the presiding elder was telling us to turn to the hymn ‘Redeemer
of Israel’. As we sang the closing
lines, I was reminded of something.
It was impressed
upon me that if I am faithful, read the Scriptures, repent, and try to be good
all the rest of my life, someday I will stand before the Lord and I will not be
ashamed of what I’ve done. When I
realized that, I felt like the Lord had scooped me up in His arms and was
holding me there, as if I was child and He was the loving Father He has always
been to me.
Now I
am so grateful for this testimony. I am
so glad that God is always willing to welcome me back when I have strayed. I am grateful for His undying love.
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